Graphic Tee Awesomeness
Surely I can kick your ass because I am a fan of Chuck Liddell
So after my company softball team went on a hitting spree and scored 25 runs on the other team (ignore the fact the other team scored 21), we decided to have a post-game Margarita at a popular Mexican place here in Atlanta called El Azteca. While we were enjoying our win, we noticed two guys ages 21 to 29, face to face, in a heated conversation with each other. While we were secretly hoping that those two tools would start swinging, we couldn’t help to notice the nice and shiny graphic tees both were wearing. We also had a good chuckle when one of them said something to the effect “Well I would just tap out”. Since when do bar fights have referees?
So I found the Graphic Tee Fan Club on Facebook and a game that you should play everytime you see a graphic tee…
1) Determine % of shirt covered in graphics. This decimal value is your ‘graphic’ modifier.
For instance, a value of .01 would be for your typical plain t-shirt with perhaps the logo of the clothing company on it. This shirt is very loosely qualified as a graphic tee and as such, not eligible for consideration as an ultimate graphic tee.
A value of 1.00 would signify a t-shirt completely covered in graphics (this however, is not physically possible in this reality, for if it did, our universe would collapse in on itself and we would cease to exist)
2) Skulls: Add up the number of skulls present on the graphic tee. 0-5 skulls scores 1 point, 6-10 skulls scores 2 points, 11-15 skulls scores 4 points, and more than 16 skulls scores a whopping 8 points (unheard of!).
3) Animals: If there is a bird present, score the following for each bird: 1 points for a raven/crow, 2 points for an eagle, 3 points for a mythical bird, for example a griffin or phoenix. If it is a mammal, score the following for each: 1 point for a dog, 2 points for a horse/bull/bear, 5 points for a skeleton dog/horse/bull/bear.
4) UFC: Subtract 5 points for any UFC fighter’s name present on the shirt. Drinking a 12-pack and wrestling in your living room with your buddies after UFC 91 doesn’t make you Randy Couture, it just makes you gay.
5) Biblical: Add 2 points for the Grim Reaper or any other devils. Subtract 2 points for any angels…unless they are badass angels.
6) Rivets: If the tee has metal rivets on it, you get two bonus points + a free high-five
7) Reflective Lettering/Graphics: If any part of the graphic tee has shiny lettering and/or graphics, subtract 1 point, unless you wear your graphic tee while jogging at night and need it for safety sake.
In summary:
(Skull + Animal- UFC penalty + Biblical + Rivet Bonus – Reflective Penalty) X Graphic Modifier = AWESOME GRAPHIC TEE SCORE
